i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
