I faked an abortion last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
