Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
