I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
