He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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