Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if only i could text you this smell
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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