a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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