remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
