he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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