mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
