I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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