So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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