trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
why is half of my head shaved?
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