Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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