It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
