Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize