Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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