Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
