Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I want her autograph on my taint
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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