also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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