new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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