And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
3pm strippers are depressing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
