just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
