No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
