When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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