I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
