We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
