This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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