Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
