My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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