Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
