You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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