when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
