i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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