A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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