I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
