So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize