Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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