I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
