Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
