Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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