idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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