It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
