Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
