I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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