tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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