he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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