She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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