I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I CAN MOONWALK!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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