is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
