you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
