she was so not down for the gang bang
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
