I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
