youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize