This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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