We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
