i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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