Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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