i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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