I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
