I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
