you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
