Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You've changed since you got that strap on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
