The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
