Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
