That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
